Plastic Paddy Hurling

Cork

Overview: Yes, America, we know that your great-great-great-grandfather was from Cork*. You obviously feel some sort of familial affinity for the county and their team. Here at Plastic Paddy Hurling, we totally support that sort of cultural usurpation, and wish you luck with it. Just be prepared for some ugly stares and accusations of front-running. Cork are a team with a rich history, a rabid fan base and proud winning tradition.

Nickname: The Rebels

Cork is the “Rebel County,” owing to its long history of violent dissatisfaction with being governed.

American Comparison: The Dallas Cowboys. They’re not so dominant that we could properly call them the New York Yankees, but they’re always contenders. They’re also the southern most county in Ireland, much like Texas is our southernmost state. Also, much like the Cowboys, fans are never ambivalent about the Rebels: you either love them or despise them. There is no middle ground.

Colors/Jerseys: Red and White.

Rivals: Munster. All of it. Also, because the team is currently on “strike” demanding that their coach — the pedigreed Gerald McCathy - be fired, we expect whichever county it is that hires him to immediately become a bitter rival.

Sponsor: O2 Ireland (Telecommunications)

Notable Players: Seán Óg Ó hAilpín: His name is a monument to the absurdity of Irish phoenetics, but you can get away with calling him Sean Og. Sean, the son of an Irish father and a Fijan mother is a rarity in the GAA: a foreign born player. He’s a wingback, and a former team captain (he lead Cork to the 2005 All-Ireland championship). Also he’s the only guy on the field who isn’t pasty white.

Donald Og is a goalie. He’s notable only because we wanted to list two players named Og on the same squad, and because he tried to pretty decapitate a guy during last year’s All-Ireland Semi-final against Galway. Here at Plastic Paddy Hurling, we’re all about the attempted-decapitation! If we could find a picture, don’t think we wouldn’t have it posted here.

Stadium: Pairc Ui Chaoimh, Cork

Frequency of televised matches: Often

Relevant websites: www.rebelgaa.com

*Shocked that we guessed? Don’t be. Turns out, most Irish-Americans trace their lineage to Cork. Not only was the rural county prone to mass emigration for economic reasons that had lesser impact on similarly-populated counties in Leinster, it was also the port through which the majority of America-bound ships passed during the 19th century. So even if your great-grandad was born and raised in say, Kilkenny, his immigration papers probably say Cork. Keep that in mind next time you’re in a pub with dozens of other Cork-rooted Americans singing songs about Galway, Clare and Tipperary and not a single one about Cork.